


Eat Your Words

by clexastories



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, F/F, post 2x15
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 15:57:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3698267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexastories/pseuds/clexastories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I’m not ready. To be with anyone. Not yet."</p><p>Of all of the things Clarke Griffin has said to you, this may be the one that weighs the most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eat Your Words

_I’m not ready. To be with anyone. Not yet._

Of all of the things Clarke Griffin has said to you, this may be the one that weighs the most. The words sit heavy in your belly, taking up space meant for things like food and water. These are things you need, things that will keep you putting one foot in front of the other on the cold, hard forest ground. But her words reside in you instead, expanding until there is room for nothing else except the promise of _someday_.

That promise billows up your throat, spilling bitterly into your mouth so that your lips twist ruefully because you know there is nothing more deceiving than the concept of readiness. You were not ready for Anya to claim you for training, to mold and shape and wield you like she did her weapons. You were not ready to feel the warm, sticky flow of blood on your hands when you slit your first throat. You were not ready when the warriors came, staring at you with expectant eyes and voices that proclaimed _heda_. You were not ready, but these things happened anyways. So you just kept walking forward.

You would tell Clarke this, that _ready_ is an impossibility, but you see the grief in her eyes. She loved that boy, and you loved Costia. No matter what you try and tell her, she will not listen (long ago, before _heda_ was your name,you would not have either). So you stay silent and watch the golden girl leave, though her words stay with you.

They eat at you, until they become acid dissolving you from the inside out because she is not ready but your people are, for freedom from the Mountain’s thumb. So you make the deal, and you tell her, your golden girl with the dark heart and crestfallen, angry eyes: _may we meet again_ (when you are ready).

This time you leave first, putting one foot in front of the other, each step carrying you farther away because you were never one to wait idly. You are _heda_ , and there are clans to confront and allies to gain and wars to win. Time will pass, and if she is ever ready, then you will be too. So you walk, even as your heart bleeds.

Your stomach growls, empty again. Hungry again. 

You drink. You eat. You lead.

And you wait. In vain maybe, but still, you wait.  

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of post-finale feels, especially about Lexa, thus I decided to try writing for a new character/ship. Maybe I'll write more? Summer/hiatus is long, so probably hah.


End file.
